Engaging

The last few days have been extremely challenging for me. I’ve lost sight of the process of evolving from a place of love. That doesn’t necessarily mean I am currently doing so from a place of hate or anger, but what it does mean is that I am not stopping to center myself before making decisions. I am allowing myself to be whisked away by the emotions of frustration and anger.

Today’s message from Spirit talks about being engaged in life and not being attached to the outcomes. We go through life always so concerned with specific outcomes that we lose sight of what the actual process consists of. Take for example, my role as a mother. My biggest concern in life is to ensure my daughter grows up to be an amazing, respectful, magical, strong and compassionate human being that ALWAYS follows her heart, soul and dreams. My biggest pet peeve as a parent is for a child to be disrespectful to their parents, in any shape way or form. Taking that in combination with what my goal for my daughter is, I tend to only focus on eliminating the possibility of her becoming that child and eventually, adult. In the midst of this, I react harshly to her 12 yr old mood changes, perception of life, etc. All of which are exactly her process and journey for this space in her life. So where does that leave me? Well, recently it has left me in the face of everything I worked on releasing. I thought I had improved myself in that particular area and made some serious headway. But, as it turns out, that wasn’t true at all.

This is my shadow self…my biggest shadow self. This pesky shadow work, a real damn doozy. It makes me feel like shit. Reminds me that I haven’t made much progress at all, sometimes. I get stuck in the crappy feelings. The ones that brought the issue to my attention in the first place. The message from Spirit today speaks directly to what I have been working through. I go through life and live in this world so attached to the outcome of my parenting. I don’t even really care why or where the behavior/belief comes from. Ultimately, what matters is what I am going to do about it. What am I going to process and change in order to ACTUALLY start being engaged rather than attached? I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to start listening to my daughter. Listen to what she needs in the present moment and continue guiding her. None of this can happen until I invest time in myself and address why it is I continue to step away from my center and live from that “other” space.

I will continue to ask for guidance and I feel as though it’s time to make meditation a consistent part of my life. In times like this (the shadowy times), I crave guidance but I often find that I spend more time processing all these feelings instead. I suppose they both go hand in hand.

To life! To our shadow selves! To the Universe and guidance!

With Love and Divine Feminine Strength.
Yours Truly,
Anna R.
Feel free to reach out to me, at any time.