Love

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been called to create a blog post. I have been in and out of awareness and just going with the ebb and flow of life. Experienced some shadow work that caught me off guard and was able to work through it smoothly (still learning the lessons, of course). There have been birthday celebrations, family gatherings, school events and friend hangouts, all of which have served as a source of nourishment for my heart and soul. Most recently, something specific has come up. Not necessarily specific to me, but specific to those around me and directly affecting me.

Love. Yup, I said it. Love.

Don’t go running and hiding now. Don’t get all mushy and captivated in a heart shaped bubble. Don’t do anything. Just stop for a moment and take in the words I am being called to share today. Seriously, don’t get out the love letter stationery just yet.

Love.

Well, contrary to popular belief, I am very much a fan of love. All types of love. Love is grand. Love is fantastic. Love is important.

My past experiences with love have been distorted and facetious. They have been clipped and cut from a magazine that does not pertain to my life. I have experienced controlling love (I was the controller), conforming love and infatuated love. All of which are nowhere near my size. My love is very much like my body: full, curvy and strong. There are no straight edges or controlled areas around my full hips. There is no room for conforming to clothes that do not feel good on me or embrace my protruding belly. There is no room for infatuated styles that simply do not compliment all that makes up my wonderful and amazing body. And while I was hell bent on trying on these different experiences and creating more pain and unhappiness for myself, the Universe stepped in to ensure I was writing things down this last time around. The pain, disgust and devastation I experienced when my marriage ended was a true testament to the fact that all this “love” I supposedly had was not for me. At all.

Love.

So where did that leave me? Well, it left me in a puddle of my own self pity asking the same ol’ questions: Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? What is so wrong with me that this had to happen?

There were no answers. My mind was silent. My heart was empty. My soul leveled to the lowest. I didn’t understand. Unanswered questions that were driving me to the brink of insanity, literally. Poor choices ensued. Lots of them. In the midst, I am taking my daughter down with me. Then it happened – not the answer I wanted, but the answer I needed. My 9 year old daughter had an emotional break down right in front of me. Fuck. What have I done. What was I thinking. That moment changed my life forever. The shit I was experiencing with the death of my marriage was nothing compared to that very moment with my daughter. What have I done.

Love.

Going forward, every choice I made was for her…and for me, without even realizing it. I looked into her eyes every second I could. That look of hers, of pure and unconditional love. A love that was sitting right in front of me for the last many lifetimes and I never stopped to see it. Past relationships, my marriage…those weren’t love. This is love. She is love. My daughter is love. Every day was a challenge for me. It felt like I woke up in a strange land. No idea what to do or where to go, so I just existed with my daughter. We learned about each other. We talked to each other. We experienced new opportunities together. Through that, we happened upon a new spiritual path and we went for it. Together we learned about our spiritual intuitive gifts, all the magic we have inside and how to be of service to others as well as ourselves. Life was so damn different but it felt so good. The tears disappeared and I didn’t even notice. The pain was gone and I hadn’t even flinched. The anger dissipated and never even left a dent.

Love.

Life felt like life. I looked up one day and realized I was surrounded by a tremendous amount of love! Nothing I had ever experienced before in such a state of awareness. There were true friend connections made with so many that I had lost touch with. There were lines of communication opened that simply lapsed over time. Life truly felt like life.

And so we get to the part of love that was never a fit for me. Romantic love. Sigh…the infamous romantic love. I dipped into the dating scene for a brief moment only to be met with weird interactions. All of which pushed me farther and farther away. Not from love, but from the same magazine clippings I had previously experienced. I stopped all of it, the dating. I just wasn’t interested. 3 yrs later, I haven’t had a date since and it all feels so good. But why, you ask? Because through all that stuff and the new path of spirituality, the Universe showed me what my love looks like. And ya know, it is a love that blows my mind.

Love.

I don’t want to fall in love again. I don’t want to be swept off my feet. I don’t want to be on cloud 9.

My love is balance, respect, honesty, supportive, nourishing, spiritually aligned with me and with clear sight.

I realize no relationship is without its challenges. But what is important to me is how we work through those challenges. There HAS to be respect, honesty and communication, regardless of the challenges.

This all may seem far fetched to some, but not to me. I know it’s out there and I know it’s for me. I am absolutely and without a doubt worthy and deserving of this exceptional, true and magical love. We shall cross paths in due time. Divine timing is what it’s all about.

Love.

Love truly fitting and meant for you will not ask you to compromise yourself. It will not ask you to conform to unhealthy habits. It will not ask you to endure pain. It will not ask you to walk away from other people or important things in your life.

Today’s message from spirit (#ColetteBaron-Reid) speaks to us about taking a step back and doing nothing. It asks us to take a moment to regroup and gain clarity regarding the situation, regarding love. When we switch over to a neutral and non-judgemental place, we allow ourselves the opportunity to gather information that is vital to our lives and to the issue at hand. And in this case, it is love. Our intuition will embrace and bring to light what it is we need to know in this current moment so that we can make decisions for our highest and greatest good. Decisions that will raise our vibration and propel us in the right direction, the direction meant for us at this time.

If you are wondering why you can’t find love or why you can’t seem to attract a healthier love, take a moment to realize that the only way for us to encounter the love that is fitting for us is to first, stop seeking it. Second, look in the mirror and understand where love resides within us for ourselves, if at all. And third, be open to receiving love and being comfortable with setting boundaries that ensure our spiritual, emotional and mental health. Love isn’t a game. Love isn’t overrated. Love doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s version of love. Your love is specific to you and only you. You are absolutely worthy and deserving of all the magical, respectful, supportive and nourishing love the Universe has for you. Don’t settle for less. Ever. Love is life. And I now understand why I was put on your path at this exact moment. The exact moment you shared with me your perspective on love.

I am love.

To Love! To life! To you and my love for you!

With Love and Divine Feminine Strength.
Yours Truly,
Anna R.
Feel free to reach out to me, at any time.