Ayyyy dios mio, life is a constant uphill battle when I try to evade shadow work. I’m sure you all have heard the entire spiritual community mention shadow work at some point and you may not really know what it even means because there never really is an explanation that comes with it. And although I know what it means, it’s a bit challenging for me to explain, for sure. So here we go, a pretty good explanation…”According to Danielle Massi, (a psychotherapist, licensed shadow worker, and founder ofThe Wellness Collective in Philadelphia), our shadows are the parts of ourselves that we’ve rejected, hidden away, and buried deep within our unconscious mind. And shadow work, she says, is the process of bringing those unconscious shadows to our conscious awareness in order to heal them.” Got it? Good! Don’t get too caught up in what shadow means, just know it’s the ugly parts we don’t want folks to see, the parts of us that we believe make us unworthy. Unworthy of love, family, jobs, appreciation, etc. Those parts of us that we hide from our partners, friends and family. Those parts of us that we have grown to keep out of the way so we don’t have to deal with them. Yes, that stuff.
Shadow work is getting that stuff and bringing it front and center, putting it in our face so we can look at it, embrace it, address it and heal. Yes, heal. It can all be extremely intimidating because it’s just us, on our own, standing there in front of those parts we don’t want to see, hear or feel. There is so much there that we do our best to refrain from feeling. Why? Because those feelings bring back memories, memories that are packed and stuffed with pain, anger and such. Who wants to feel that shit?! Well, if ever we want to heal, grow, expand and evolve, WE gotta feel that shit. Lord hammercy, shadow work!! When we decide we do not want to feel something or experience the flux of emotions we find ways to evade it all. Most times it is some sort of substance, whether it’s drugs or alcohol, we use it to create a state of being numb. Substances aren’t the only numbing agents, so to speak, sex also creates an emotional and mental numbing affect that draws us in just as much. This allows us to stuff all those feelings to the waaayy back and still function. Unfortunately, the “functioning” we’re doing is a result of all those things we don’t want to face. Does that make sense? When we don’t process the shadow parts of us, we create walls and patterns in our lives that prevent us from living a healthy life. Unresolved issues always show themselves in our everyday lives…in the choices we make, the actions we take, the words we share and the way we connect with folks, in all types of ways.
So how the heck do we get through life with all that shadow work that needs to be done?! If we are fortunate enough to realize numbing ourselves and evading is only adding to the work, we tend to gravitate toward spirituality as a safe haven or answer to all our problems. Yup, you knew that was coming. This whole “thing” with spirituality and our shadow side is called spiritual bypassing. I spoke about spiritual bypassing in a previous blog, but let’s go ahead and refresh our memory with the following. John Wellwood, a transpersonal psychotherapist, wrote a book called Toward a Psychology of Awakening, and in this book he states “spiritual bypassing can be defined as a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” What a coincidence…doesn’t all that sound like the shadow part of us?! When we submerge ourselves into our spiritual practice without resolving any of our shadow issues or doing our shadow work, we are only creating a detour. And yes it gets us to a better place in terms of mental and emotional health, BUT this new and better place isn’t a real place. The Divine is going to burst that bubble in order for us to understand WE MUST DO OUR SHADOW WORK. We can only do so much positive thinking, ignoring our emotions & love & light to repress it all before Spirit steps in and shakes our shit up. Spirituality is about getting in there and finding those dark and gross places inside of us, not just all the cool, neat and trendy stuff that you find in parts of the spiritual community. Feel me?
Once we decide to start doing the work and addressing our shadow, we will soon realize it is a dirty, grimy and emotional road, but also so damn beautiful! I know that may not make sense, but when you get to it, you’ll see. Spirituality can serve as a foundation from which we can rebuild ourselves with our newly healed selves. Every issue, every corner and every cave will require its own individual healing and won’t all happen at once. Whatever practices you decide to use in your spiritual journey will serve as tools in helping you heal. Whether it be meditation, ancestor veneration, singing, prayer, etc., each can help you get in there, bring all those issues to the surface so you can begin working through them instead of around them or numbing yourself to them. Once we have healed one thing, there will always be something else waiting in line. Why, you ask? Well because we are human beings and we aren’t perfect. We will always have experiences, we will always make mistakes and we will always have room to grow and learn. Shadow work never ends, but it can get easier sometimes because as we go along in the process, we gain more tools and resources!
I know shadow work sounds pretty shitty, and it is, but it’s also a good thing. It gives us the opportunity to learn so much about ourselves, our beautiful inner strength, and teaches us that no matter how dark the tunnel, we will eventually make our way through it and to another level of the beauty we have created for ourselves (with the help of the Divine, of course). Life is so damn beautiful, it truly is, but in order for us to understand and believe that, we must first do the damn work, lol. Yes, it will hurt, yes it will make us cry, yes it will suck so bad, yes it will seem like it will never end, and yes you WILL GET THROUGH IT. But keep in mind, it all starts with you and what you believe and if you believe in yourself! So get in there, do your research, take advantage of all the tools and resources out there available to us, talk to your divine spiritual support team and handle that shadow work!
To our shadow side and all the gross and grimy shit awaiting our arrival!
With Love and Divine Feminine Strength. Yours Truly, Anna R.
